Day Seven - Minor Injuries Major Inconvenience

"The Welsh are so damn Welsh that it looks like affectation" - Sir Alexander Raleigh

Today’s ride was a load of shire (sic). We stared in Shropshire, ended up in Cheshire and traversed through Wrexhamshire. There isn’t a county called Wrexhamshire but it would spoil the joke if I didn’t say it was. Most of the day was spent cycling along the ancient Marches where towns have both Welsh and English names. We were chatting to a woman with the poshest english accent you have ever heard and her name was Cerys. I forgave her as she was serving me Fruit Cake at the time.

It was also really flat. Only 346m of climbing in 70km of riding. But there was lots of rain and unlike Spain, the rain falls mainly on Lorain. When heavy rain starts there are only 2 options to consider. Option 1: Stop, put on your rain jacket and plough on. Get drenched. Miss all the countryside because you can’t see through your splattered glasses and feel miserable for the rest of the day because you are damp and cold or Option 2: Stop at a café and drink coffee and eat Fruit Cake until it stops raining.

The good news is that Day Six’s route took us close to home so we popped in. The bad news was that this ended up being where we stopped because my knee was playing up - again. Having visited the local hospital they decided that my hurty knee only constituted a minor injury. Even though it was really hurty. The ‘nurse practitioner’ was ace. She is off to Afghanistan soon to work with the Army but in the meantime allowed me to fondle her metal knee-cap and she told me how to get an immediate consult with a private orthopaedic surgeon so fingers crossed for a good outcome. I am increasingly confident that it is not a structural problem but is related to my changed riding position on the touring bike. So at least now we have cycled from Land's End to Northwich. Next stop John O'Groats..........soon.

Day Six - Breaking the Mould

"When lads have done with labour, In Shropshire, one will cry
"Let's go and kill a neighbour,"And t'other answers "Aye!" - Humbert Wolfe

During LEJOG phase 1, a set pattern to our days emerged. Cycle 100km+ and then go up a really steep climb for 5km to get to a youth hostel which is in the middle of nowhere and has no wifi. Be kept awake all night by snoring ramblers with bits of food stuck in their beards. You then check how big your saddle sore has got that day compared to the day before. It’s quite easy to do with a few yoga pastures and a mirror. I did get some funny looks in the communal bathroom, squatting on the edge of the sink with my head between my knees.

Just like the US electorate, we voted for change. So LEJOG phase 2 has dumped the YHA. It’s BnB all the way baby. And today’s BnB is beautiful. Hordley Hall is right in the middle of the Shropshire countryside and Hazel, the owner, has kept nearly all the original features. I can report that the B is kingsize and firm and I will report on the other B tomorrow. The signs are good though as we have already been offered fully cooked, fully cooked vegetarian and porridge. Naturally I said “Yes” to all of the above. No joy in our search for a slice of authentic Shropshire Fidget Pie - at first I thought she said "Fitchett Pie" but that would have too much even for me to get my mouth round.  

Today’s ride was dominated by the roads and the weather. All morning there was MIZZLE (which is a mxture of MIst and driZZLE). Lunchtime was characterised by FRINGIN (FReaking pourING raIN). Luckily we were in a café for the worst of it. The bikes didn’t get off that lightly. The roads were mostly in fantastic nick. They must have known we were coming because a lot of the route had been re-laid with chippings. They must have also known that I was en route because all the signs warned other road users of “Skid Risk”. Though how they knew the state of my cycling shorts, I will never know.

Day Six - Wake up and smell the tarmac

"It's a new dawn, it's new day, it's a new life for me, and I'm feelin' good" - Nina Simone

So tomorrow, just like Michael Finnegan, we beginnegan. There are a few things that are guaranteed

1. We will get wet. Very wet. It'll be the kind of rain that really gets you wet. Not spitting. Nor misty. But raining like we are mostly in Spain.

2. No sore bums (we have bum cream); no sore feet (we have foot cream); no sore knees (we have ibuprofen tablets AND gel) and no sore throats (we have ice cream)

3. We will try to book our bikes on the train and won't be able to but they will let us on anyway.

4. We won't be able to understand the station announcer at Crewe. If you don't believe me, try it. Go to Crewe station and see if you can make head or tail of what the station announcer is saying.

Day Five - A Premature End

Today we had to take a break. The first climb of the day caused a pain in my left knee (an old rugby injury is to blame I think). I nursed it along for a while but after 10 miles I couldn't push down. Not to be put off I just pulled up a lot more on that leg. After another 20 miles I could neither push down nor pull up. The injury gods were with us though as we were only half a mile from a main line train station and we were home within 4 hours.

We had a fantstic time for the five days that we were out on the road. Touring cycling is definitely a superb way of getting around and seeing the countryside on back roads and away from traffic. We ate some great food, got loads of fresh air just enjoyed being out on our bikes for 10 hours a day. No regrets but a little disappointment. We are planning on getting back to it in a few days once the knee is back on track.

Joyed It so far

Day Five - Top Bunk Etiquette

I am a gentleman and I always take the top bunk. Well I am not really a gentleman, Lorain just tells me that’s where I am sleeping. If I were a gentleman, I wouldn’t swear at her under my breath quite as much as I do. But the top bunk does pose some logistical problems. In order to go for a pee, you have to climb down the ladder. In order to climb down the ladder, you wake Lorain with all the groaning and creaking – and the bunk beds are noisy as well. However, there is always the hand basin. Sometimes it is at the end of the bunk beds and other times it is a little distance away. Either way, I reckon I could reach it from the top bunk thus solving the dilemma of waking Lorain but needing a pee but introducing the issue of splash back and how to flush. Once I have worked this one out I will report back.

Day Four - Monologues

Being on the bike all day you don’t really get to meet any interesting people. When you stop at the youth hostel, you don’t either. Today we met Macolm Monologuer all the way from Monotony in Boringshire. I stress this was not a conversation (implying participation) but I did make the fatal mistake of opening the conversation. “That’s a nice bike” said I.


“It’s a Dawes Galaxy. The last one built in the UK about 8 years ago. I bought it off ebay for £300. I handbuilt the wheels myself. I don’t trust factory wheels. I met a young lad doing the End to End and he was a bit upset. I fixed his cranks and bought him lunch and he seemed quite happy to set off again. I cleaned my Dad’s bathroom. He’s 81 you know. My sister lives in Shropshire. I gave up cycling about 7 years ago and sold all my bikes. That’s why I had to buy one off ebay. I rode along the B3135 today rather than the B1436. Both of them are better than the B2198 but not as direct as the B467854322……………..(3 hours later)……………………and the wife really enjoyed the west coast of Ireland.

Day Four - History and Scenery

Today was the most beautiful day yet. Starting from the top of the Mendips in Priddy we had a gorgeous long descent through the rolling countryside of North Shropshire. This was a good thing because Lorain had a hangover from all that Scrumpy. And then we hit the Clifton suspension bridge which spans the Avon gorge. Isambard Kingdom Brunel’s jewel in his engineering crown. It was so impressive that we had to stop for a coffee and some wifi.

From there we rolled though the beautiful green parks and downs to the north west of Bristol and then across the Severn Estuary bridge. To ride across such a massive body of water on a bike certainly gave you a sense of……..wind. Lots of wind. But a fantastic opportunity to cross this famous landmark other than at 70mph in order to get out of Wales.

But the day saved the best till last. The last 20km were on quiet roads and beautiful cycle paths along the banks of the River Wye from Monmouth to Welsh Bicknor. I think it is one of the most picturesque rivers in the country (well two countries because it is the border between Wales and England) and over the years Lorain and I have now canoed it, walked it, driven it, swam it and cycled it. Picture postcard villages, beautiful scenery and no cars. Bliss.